I am finally improving my conversational skills.

In my life, I have had several of them, and some have not come out either. I must admit that I am an emotional person who, on many occasions, left me, and still sometimes happens to me, controlled by my emotions.

I want to start with a story: I worked with a leader or boss a while back. Initially, he seemed like a good leader. However, as time passed, he faced challenges, and many team members wanted to be more satisfied with his leadership style and communication. Although he never raised his voice or used sarcasm, something was off. His non-verbal cues conveyed more than his words did. He avoided eye contact and walked away while you were talking about a situation, need, or disagreement. He also ignored emails and attempted to meet if he did not like the conversation topic. As a result, many of the workers move to another organization.

Leading is a challenging task. I have led multiple projects and made mistakes like any other leader. However, I have learned the power of words through these mistakes and omissions. As leaders, it is essential to recognize when faced with crucial conversations and to influence our team in the healthiest way possible. Building a motivated, fit, healthy team for my project takes effort. Therefore, I will focus on taking small actions and steps to have crucial and healthy conversations.

• To communicate effectively, we must start with what motivates us and ask ourselves what we want to communicate and if it will benefit us and others.

• We must learn to observe when a crucial conversation occurs, observing physical signs such as silence, frustration, and anxiety yourself or yourself. Identifying how your body and emotions react to a crucial conversation requires much observation.

• Learning to identify security problems under challenging conversations, the calm of other people can be disturbed, provoking a direct attack on our arguments and often launching darts that we naturally will not want to avoid but return. That is why paying attention to the security of the conversation is essential to avoid including ourselves in what is the problem and not the solution.

• Pay attention to your style under pressure. We all have a modus operandum and tend to let ourselves be blinded by our annoyance without realizing how. Draw a circle around you and check the person inside the circle (you), evaluating what actions would lead you to break the security.

• Engaging in crucial conversations with a shared goal is essential to ensure a successful outcome and maintain mutual respect. We must also consider the objectives of others to ensure the common objective is maintained. Feeling secure with the other person is also essential for a safe and productive conversation. This sense of security is necessary for the conversation to become derailed and maintain its focus on the objective, instead shifting towards personal dignity. Remember, the ultimate goal is not to "win" but to achieve a positive outcome for all involved.

• In stories, I explore how different people are influenced by their emotions. Some individuals are more susceptible to emotional sway than others. Our brains can quickly create stories that can evoke strong emotions, often without us even realizing it. To counteract this, we must train our brains by adjusting the pace at which we tell our stories. This strategy can help us react more safely and thoughtfully: observe our behavior, connect with our feelings, analyze our stories, and return to the facts.

I created my circle around me and am working to improve the conversational skills to the person in the circle: Me.

References:

Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple. (2013, August). Www.youtube.com; Alex Kaufaman. https://youtu.be/i9H-i9lHr28

‌Patterson, K. (2015, August 20). Video Review for Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson. YouTube. https://youtu.be/EFaXx3pgaxM

‌